Loyal reader Laura S. sent this to me this morning and I thought I would share it with the rest of the class:
By Dennis Miller
All the rhetoric on whether or not we should go to war
against Iraq has got my insane little brain spinning
like a roulette wheel. I enjoy reading opinions from
both sides, but I have detected a hint of confusion
from some of you.
As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of
the best advice someone ever gave me. He told me about
the KISS method ("Keep it Simple, Stupid"). So, with
this as a theme, I’d like to apply this theory for
those who don’t quite get it. My hope is that we can
simplify things a bit and recognize a few important
facts.
Here are 10 things to consider when voicing an opinion
on this important issue:
1) President Bush and Saddam Hussein.....Hussein is
the bad guy.
2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the
right thing, keep this in mind:
They have Libya heading the Committee on Human Rights.
They have Iraq heading the Global Disarmament Committee.
Do your own math here.
3) If you use Google Search and type in “French
Military Victories,” your reply will be “Did you mean
French Military Defeats?”
4) If your only anti-war slogan is “No war for oil,”
sue your school district for allowing you to slip
through the cracks and robbing you of the
education you deserve.
5) Saddam and Bin Laden will not seek United Nations
approval before they try to kill us.
6) Despite what some seem to believe, Martin Sheen is
NOT the President. He just plays one on TV.
7) Even if you are anti-war, you are still an
“Infidel” and Bin Laden wants you dead, too.
8) If you believe in a “vast right-wing conspiracy,” but
not in the danger that Hussein poses, quit hanging out
with the Dell computer dude.
9) We are not trying to liberate them.
10) Whether you are for military action, or against
it, our young men and women overseas are fighting for
us to defend our right to speak out. We all need to
support them without reservation.
I hope this helps.
First of all, you can’t rationalize a war with “10 simple facts,” but in that spirit, we’ll try to keep the retorts simple.
Dennis: Here are 10 things to consider when voicing an opinion on this important
issue:
1) Out of President Bush and Saddam Hussein ... Hussein is the bad guy.
Me: True, although it should read “Hussein is worse.” This war may change people’s opinions about how “good” W is.
Dennis: 2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right thing keep this
in mind, they have Libya heading the committee on Human Rights and Iraq
heading the Global Disarmament Committee. Do your own math here
Me: First, this is a lie. Mr. M. Matia Mulumba Semakula Kiwanuka of Uganda is the chairman of committee for Disarmament and International Security and Iraq has no position on this committee. (There is no ‘Global Disarmament Committee, look it up on the UN webpage:
http://www.un.org/ga/57/first/index.html.)
Second, if you have faith that the US government will do the right thing, keep this in mind: we have George W. Bush as president. Do a google search for “George
Bush quotes.” See the amazing things that you get.
Dennis: 3) If you use Google search and type in “French military
victories,” your reply will be “did you mean French military defeats?”
Me: Also, this is obviously not true. Second, the fact the France perennially loses wars is completely irrelevant as to whether or not we should go to war with Iraq. If we as Americans make decisions with the motto ‘might makes right,’ then I need to reread the Constitution because I missed that part.
Dennis: 4) If your only anti-war slogan is “no war for oil,” sue your
school district for allowing you to slip through the cracks and robbing you
of the education you deserve.
Me: If this war isn’t, at least partially, about money and oil, then explain why we haven’t invaded North Korea, a country that has nuclear weapons capable of hitting the US and is threatening to do so. Note: they have no oil.
Dennise: 5) Saddam and bin laden will not seek United Nations approval
before they try to kill us.
Me: Neither will North Korea. In fact, they are using ‘Operation Iraqi Freedom’ as an excuse to escalate the tensions between North Korea and the US, which could end in nuclear holocaust.
Dennis: 6) Despite common belief, Martin Sheen is not the President. He
plays one on TV.
Me: This is also an irrelevant reason to go to war. I agree that Martin Sheen has nothing to do with global politics. I just so happen to agree with Martin Sheen that we should not kill innocent Iraqis and have American soldiers return home in body bags.
Dennis: 7) Even if you are anti-war, you are still an “infidel!” In
addition, bin laden wants you dead, too
me: Likewise, even if an Iraqi citizen is anti-Saddam Hussein, that won’t stop an American bomb from killing him or her.
dennis: 8) If you believe in a “vast right-wing conspiracy” but not in the danger
that Hussein poses, quit hanging out with the dell computer dude.
me: And if you believe that Hussein is the biggest threat to the US and that Bush’s incredibly expensive war is needed now with our failing economy, then maybe you’ve been sniffing glue.
dennis: 9) We are not trying to liberate them.
Me: Correct, Operation Iraqi Freedom is only going to liberate the oil not the people. It’s a shame that the war doesn’t have at least some altruistic motives.
Dennis: 10) Whether you are for military action or against it, our young men and
women overseas are fighting for us to defend our right to speak out. We all
need to support them without reservation.
Me: Obviously, we all should support our troops, but we all have the right to disagree with the president. By claiming that the war is wrong, protestors are not in any way wishing ill will upon our brave troops, they just want them to be safe at home instead of fighting in a frivolous war. Anti-war demonstrators are just as patriotic as anyone else. Remember that if our Founding fathers hadn’t spoken out against their ruling body, we’d still be a British colony.