George Thorogood

A quick note to the radical left, the radical right and the Tea Party:

Please stop saying that you are speaking for me.  You are not.  I find you to be juvenile, uneducated in your issue du jour and, to be frank, a little anti-American.  Hey, at least you’re loud, so that’s nice.  Additionally, you know how you are always barking that the government can never get anything done?  Do you see any of the dripping irony in the fact that it is you that causes this?  Of course the government can never get anything done.  They are constantly blocked by you guys.  You cannot be pleased.  And in the name of political fairness, you work against the government to make damned sure that “the other side” does not get their way.  You are ridiculous.  You are an impediment.

And, again, you do not speak for me. 

Peter Fonda

Drew Barrymore

Alan Rickman (with a beard for Pat)

Finally!  After all these grueling months Tiger Woods finally came out and publicly apologized to me!  I feel so vindicated.  So relieved.  So healthy, happy and homogenous.  I mean, sure, life was still going on for me but down deep, way down deep, there was this unsettled nagging.  Why, oh why, hasn’t Tiger Woods apologized to me for cheating on his wife.  How could he do this to me?  How could he leave me hanging like that?  How could he be so unthinking of me?  How could he be so callous towards my feelings.  But now?  Well now, I see that he really does care about me.  And I forgive him.  Sure, he hurt me but I really believe that now that his attention has turned to me and he has said “Buzz, I am so sorry” (paraphrased, of course) I feel like I can move on with my life.

Now I just need apologies from the following:

Kate Bush for not putting out an album recently
George Bush for obvious reasons
Aboriginal Bushmen
Lindsey Vonn for falling down, going boom
Simon Cowell for being Simon Cowell
The Dallas Cowboys every year that they do not win the Super Bowl
Kim Jong-il for being a lunatic
Popeye owes me an apology
Elton John for no longer hitting the high notes
Pluto for not applying itself
and last, but certainly most, Kate Hudson for never paying off our mortgage.

Once I get those apologies, I think I’ll be all set. 

Thank you.

And I’m sorry.

Rihanna

Benicio del Toro

Regina Spektor

Rene Russo