I got to thinking the other day about wishes.  If you had the opportunity to have wishes granted, what would they be, I asked myself.  The only caveat that I put on my wish list was that the wishes could not be your standard “World Peace”, “One hundred billion dollars”, “I Wish For More Wishes” kinds of wishes.  They had to be smaller.  Finer.  Here are some of my wishes.

1) I wish that I was ambidextrous.  How handy would that be (no pun intended)?
2) I wish that I could play the piano.  Or the guitar.  Or even the harmonica.
3) I wish that weight was easier to lose and harder to gain instead of the other way around.
4) I wish that I were three inches taller.
5) I wish that I had the time, money and energy to get a college degree.  And then another.
6) I wish that I would read more.  (I can probably grant that one to myself, eh?)
7) I wish that I could meet someone really famous and then become at least a peripheral friend of theirs.  That would be so cool.
8) I wish I knew CSS, XML and all that other cool (and geeky) coding stuff.
9) I wish I could get by with just a couple of hours of sleep per day.
10) I wish for World Peace.  Sorry, I know I said that was out of bounds but I really do wish for world peace!  I mean, can’t we all just get along?

By the way, here are the previously promised pictures of the going away party that we had for Matt over at Tom’s.  Enjoy.

We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC)

By popular demand, I am posting some pictures of our dear friend Cindy.  Now, to the outside world, she may appear as one of the “beautiful people”.  To those of us in the know, however, we see her as she truly exists - a less than graceful dorkus malorkus.  She tends to bump into things and fall down more than your average josephine and as all of her friends know, it really ain’t a party until Cindy’s shown us all the food in her mouth (she’s very sharing).  So, with no further ado, here she is in her full glory.  Please be kind.

There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.
Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626)

I’ve seen several movies over the last few days and thought that I would share some quotes and trivia about them. I know, I know, it’s all very exciting. Please try to stay calm. This will all be over in a few minutes.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance.
Unknown

Well, it was a mighty party last night at Tom’s.  This was the going away party for Matt.  Actually this was, like, Day 7 of the going away party for Matt!  Matt.  Brutha.  You gotta get outta town, man.  This is killing me.  I’m not 21 anymore (right McB?).  We had about 25 or 30 people from work there and the joint was jumpin’.  There will be pictures coming soon.  I am just trying to figure out a good way to gallery-ize them.  If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to comment. 

I think that I may be one of the fastest illness-getters in the history of the world.  I went to bed fine Thursday night and woke with a full blown cold on Friday!  What the heck is that all about?  There is just never any easing into illness for me.  On the flip side, I do get rid of them just as quickly, so I suppose I’m doing alright.  The thing that really worries me is that since I get sick so hard so fast, I think I’m probably one of those people who will go to the doctor one day, be diagnosed with something horrible and be gone in a week!  Now that I think about it, maybe that’s not such a bad thing either.  I mean, who needs a long drawn-out illness?  Ok, never mind.  I’m just as happy it’s this way.  *BRAINSTORM* I’ll just make sure to never go to the doctor’s office!  Dang!  I’m brilliant!
Anyway, here’s a sneak peek at the pics from the party last night.  Y’all be cool.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance.
Unknown

This is from Wil Wheaton’s site (I guess originally from satirewire), and it is too funny to not share:

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the “Axis of Just as Evil,” which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. “Right. They are Just as Evil...in their dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody knows we’re the best evils… best at being evil...we’re the best.”

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.

“They told us it was full,” said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. “An Axis can’t have more than three countries,” explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. “This is not my rule, it’s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool.”

International reaction to Bush’s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs.

Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the “Axis of Somewhat Evil,” forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the “Axis of Occasionally Evil,” while Bulgaria,Indonesia and Russia established the “Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.”

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up...Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the “Axis of Countries That Aren’t the Worst But Certainly Won’t Be Asked to Host the Olympics.”

Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the “Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America,” while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the “Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.” “That’s not a threat, really, just something we like to do,” said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren’t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in “Guay,” accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn’t want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that’s only because no one asked them.

My stats showed a very strange and disturbing Yahoo search that someone performed that led them to my site. It was this. What’s up with that? Who is out there trying to get workman’s comp for a case of hemorrhoids? And how disturbing is it that it led them to my site? Yikes!

np - Lie in Our Graves - Dave Matthews

Even on the highest throne in the world, we are still sitting on our ass.
Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)

Well, I guess I just need to come to grips with an unsettling fact. My wife is in love. No, not just with me (which she is and can you blame her?) , but also with another man. You may know this man. This man who goes by the name Jeff Corwin. Yeah, that Jeff Corwin. Jeff Corwin from Animal Planet. I mean, she’s not even trying to hide it from me any more. In fact, she’s practically flaunting it in front of me! Ooh, she squeals, Jeff (she’s on a first name basis with this guy!) is going to be on Hollywood Squares this week! Now, we haven’t watched Hollywood Squares since, oh, I don’t know, since maybe ever ,but now we’ve got a week of this tripe so that we can see Jeff answer two questions a night. Ok, alright, I admit, there are times when I’m caught giggling a bit at his crazy antics, but c’mon already! Enough is enough! I’m considering keeping a bucket of cold water handy every Wednesday night at 09:00. Oh damn! I think I just gave this guy a free plug! Crap! Well, I’m not going to just sit idly by while this nerf herder runs off with my woman. No siree! I’m gonna start studying up on bats and snakes and iguanas and mooses and river otters (rowr!) and elephants and frogs and tigers and all them animal thingys that he seems to know so much about. Then, well then we’ll see who Pat’s animal man is! He wants to take me on, I say Bring It! I’ll let you all know how my cunning plan works in a later post. Till then, wish me luck.

np - Designer Life - Kirsty MacColl

I meant what I said, and I said what I meant
An elephant’s faithful, one hundred percent.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

Know what’s really bugging me lately? When people use the word ‘looser’ when they mean ‘loser’! And I’m seeing it ALL THE TIME! Looser is when something is not as tight as something else. This jar lid is looser than that one. Loser is someone who uses the word looser when they mean loser! Oh, and ‘there’ when they mean ‘their’! That drives me crazy too. And don’t even get me started on the word ‘to’ (too, two)! I’m fixin’ to take a hostage! Man! Those loosers bug me two! See? Doesn’t that just make your blood boil?

*breathing* *breathing* *breathing*

You know, I’m starting to feel better. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Whew!

np - ‘39 - Queen

For example, in Year One, that useless letter “c” would be dropped to be replased either by “k” or “s”, and likewise “x” would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which “c” would be retained would be the “ch” formation, which will be dealt with later. Year Two might reform “w” spelling, so that “which” and “one” would take the same konsonant, wile Year Three might well abolish “y” replasing it with “i” and Iear 4 might fiks the “g
j” anomali wonse and for all.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), “A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling”

I am getting too old for this. We had some old friends over last night that really needed to “Talk”. While we had a great time with them (thanks for the serenade, bro), we didn’t wrap it up until around midnight. Combining that with the past weekend makes one sleepy Buzz! Pat’s looking a little droopy-eyed herself over there (I can see her from my desk at work). We’ve been invited out tonight for a little get together but I don’t know if us old fogeys can hang. We’ll see how the day goes.
Somehow, “pillow” sounds much better than “barstool”.

np - Last Secret of the Sea - Cousteau

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright (1955 - )

I’m not generally the type to wish away a season. I think every season has something to offer. Spring, the return to warmth (and my lawn). Summer, lush green, fishing, plenty of sun. Autumn, crisp colors, a break from the heat, red wine. Winter, holidays, sitting in front of the fireplace watching some old movies. All good. Usually. This winter, however, has beaten me. Hey winter! Yo winter, I’m talking to you! Listen. I give up already! Sheesh! Nice three day weekend you gave us. My back feels like someone has placed little knives in strategic locations and I can almost actually hear my knees whimpering in pain. And, just to rub my nose in it, Mother f’ing Nature has decided to make it snow again today. After promising that she was done. What a bitch!

Ok, it’s not all bad. There’s always this to brighten one’s day. It makes me laugh every time!

By the way, one of my all time heroes, Dave Barry, has his own blog. Check it out here. Good stuff.

np - Clocks - Coldplay (thanks Pat)

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.
Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)