Alright, there's a lot of stuff wrong with major league sports and I'm here to solve all of the problems. Thank god for me.
Ok, maybe I can't solve all of the problems but I can maybe point some stuff out and make fun, right? Ok, let's start off with my personal favorite - Hockey.
The NHL is trying to be one of the "Big Four". You know football, baseball, basketball and whatever is next. Well, Mr. commissioner and player's union dudes - canceling the season is probably not the best way to win a huge fan base. Look in the mirror. You are all idiots. Take less money. Keep the game rules basic. Be smarter. It's a game, remember? Things could be worse, you could have to work for a living like the rest of us schlubs.
Ok, how about football? Listen. Fellas. Spread your games out a little. There's no need to play 95% of your games all on one day. Give us games four or five days a week. Then we could pick and choose the games we'd like to see and wouldn't lose our weekends. Oh, and quit expanding. You're turning the league into crap. And as for touchdown celebrations? In the words of the immortal Vince Lombardi, "When you get into the endzone, act as if you've been there before."
Now for baseball. I was never a huge baseball fan but I've got to admit, having the Red Sox first play against the Yankees for the pennant, then have an unbelievable comeback and then go on to win the World Series was a real feather in your cap. Now get the Cubs in there and you'll be a-ok in my book. And try to quit scratching, man. That's disturbing.
And finally, basketball. Never in my life have I seen a bigger pack of spoilt, punk-ass, crybaby, multi-millionnaires. You guys are just awful. A lot of us would probably like your sport more if we could like you players more. You do get points, however, for putting bike shorts under the big floppy outer shorts that you wear. That was getting a little scary.
As a side note to all of you players and owners out there - you are overpaid. WAY overpaid. And we pay WAY too much for tickets. Some dude who can run real fast and catch a ball should not make more money than some dude who can massage your heart back to life on an operating table. So quit your bitchin' and just play the game.
You guys all need to buckle down and straighten up and fly straight (or something like that) because, if you're not careful, your spot in the "Big Four" could easily be replaced with Women's Beach Volleyball! They've already got my vote.
Womens beach volleyball and hockey, that's all the sports we need. Each period of hockey should be followed by a volleyball game. UUUmmm, wait a second. That does not give me a chance to pee and get a fresh beer. I may need a tv and fridge in the bathroom.
Posted by: jjjjb at November 10, 2004 08:47 AMOkay, I was with you until the "women's beach volleyball" part.
I DO agree with you on the basketball. Not many athletes there for my son to look up to. And TOO MANY damn games! How long is that season anyway? I swear, it seems like it's on for 10 months straight. And what's so hard about the game when you're 7 feet tall?! Raise that basket like 10 feet and make it interesting. Also, with all the practice and awesome baskets that are made...why the heck do these guys miss FREE THROWS?! They're right in front of the basket and no one can interfere with the shot, and then they'll miss! I just don't get it. I'll stick to watching football. (Do those guys wear underwear under those tight pants or not?)
re: football... my major compaint is that i can't watch the (Eagles) games that I want to watch. I'm victim to whatever games the networks decide I should see based on my geographic location and the square root of the position of the nearest planet in relation to the moon. I want a pay per view type of system where I choose exactly which games I want to see so I never have to suffer through another Redskins game in hope of catching a few highlights from the Eagles game.
Oh, and the touchdown celebrations don't by me as much as the first down / sack / catch / 5-yard run celebrations. Making a touchdown is a fairly big deal, but all those other things are their JOB. No need to celebrate every time you do your job. I don't stand on my desk and dance for every working line of code I write... I only do that when the entire program is finished.
Posted by: geeky at November 10, 2004 09:40 AMer.. that should say "don't bother me as much", not "don't by me as much". I really should learn to proofread before I submit my comments!
Posted by: geeky at November 10, 2004 09:42 AMLEAVE B'BALLERS ALONE ALREADY!!!!!
Posted by: y at November 10, 2004 09:43 AMI like soccer. No, I love soccer. Did you know most of the world calls it football?
Why do I like it?
You need shoes and a ball. Okay, and shin guards are a good idea, but not essential. Kinda like basketball - not a lot of equipment. This means kids can play easily. (granted, you don't need much more for other sports, but have you ever tried to play a pick-up game of ice hockey in Texas? That's where I live. It just isn't going to happen)
Another reason I like it - no time outs. The clock? She waits for nobody. Yeah, they tack on a couple minutes at the end to make up for when somebody was hurt and they had to stop play for a minute, but that's it. Monday night I watched three hours of football that only took 60 minutes on the clock, because every damn play was another time out so they could go to a commercial. In soccer? They run the commercials around the sideline. And at halftime. As god intended.
In soccer, it IS a big deal when you score. As it should be. It's not easy to score a goal. Look at the college games last saturday - who DIDN"T break 30 points? Guys who just weren't trying, that's who.
Baseball has just as many commercials as american football (and no, I will NOT buy a dodge truck, no matter how many songs you sing about it).
Beach volleyball? Yes and yes. Women's beach volleyball is even better.
Posted by: ben at November 10, 2004 10:08 AMBen -- speaking from experience, a cup is also a required piece of equipment when playing soccer/football... :)
Buzz -- i totally agree with you on hockey. it's the best sport around by far, and what better way for them to loose money and fans but to stop playing! what genius came up with that idea?! "Hey Bob, i thought of a great way for our team to make more money -- let's lock out all our players and take the season off!!" frickin brilliant! i say all of them -- players, coaches, owners and front-office included -- should all take a mandatory 50% cut in pay, and then they should get their asses back out on the ice. and a little revinue sharing to some of smaller teams might not be a bad idea either, or else before you know it, we'll be left with the original six teams only, and the only way we'll see them play will be on pay-per-view!
Posted by: P at November 10, 2004 10:49 AMoh -- and what are you doing posting a picture of my wife in her new red sports bra...?
:D
Sideline Comment: I love your site and you have a very sporting humour. (pause for slight groan).
Yep, that is about the limit of my sport talk. Thank goodness for that.
You MUST be blogrolled.
WHAT ?
Posted by: MIKE at November 10, 2004 11:27 AMIm a huge hockey fan and could probably spout on forever about the current state of the sport. I mean Hockey in America is a joke, a pure joke. The NHL has become too wide spread and I understand that trying to spread the sport to every corner of the country was a good thought and that possibly it would interest people but it didnt work. Further the problem with the NHL in this country starts at the grass roots of the sport. I mean how many people do you know that play the sport. In the US more people play basketball, football, etc because to play hockey you need ice. And to make ice you need 1)constant cold weather which seems to be going away (blame global warming) and b) a generator that costs 10's of thousands of dollars in a building that cost millions. It just doesn't work. So I think the NHL needs to downsize because that many people just aren't interested. I could go on because we arent at the subject of payroll yet
Posted by: darren at November 10, 2004 01:16 PMWell said Ben!
They don't call it the beautiful game for nothing.
Posted by: UncleHornHead at November 10, 2004 01:52 PMI gotta agree with Ben, love soccer. Play it on occasions. Although I like football and hockey too.
But what about figure skating, isn't THAT a sport? mmmm men in tight leotards *lol*
-d: How do you feel about being Governor of Indiana?
[Buzz it]
Global Warming, my ass!
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