I don't normally do the whole "You might be a redneck if.." schtick, but these struck me as pretty ding-dang funny. So, I'll bend the rules a bit (like there are any rules) and tell you that you might just be a redneck if...
1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in
front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."
6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
21. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side....
22. If the biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart...
23. If your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V...
24. If you thought the Una-bomber was a wrestler...
25. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table...
26. If you think a quarter horse is that ride out in front of the K-Mart.
27. If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home...
28. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 dollars worth of improvement...
29. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher
30. If you've ever asked the preacher "How's it hanging?"
31. If you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty...
32. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph...
33. If somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is...
34. If you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate...
35. If you've ever been too drunk to fish.
36. If you don't understand why the first 35 are not funny
hmmm, I was going to number my answers but thought better of it. I have been too drunk to fish before, at least thats what they told me.
My favorite was always: If your mama doesn't take the Marlboro out of her mouth before telling the state trooper to fu** off you might be a redneck.
Posted by: Jeff A at November 28, 2003 10:40 AMI live in redneck land rather the way an athropoligist lives among an aboriginal people -- amidst and among, but not as one.
There is a social structure among rednecks, did you know? There are those that live in trailers (known as trailer trash), and those that live in houses with a foundation made of cinder blocks placed at the corners and crossbeams, so the dogs, chilckens and small children can sleep in the crawl space. These are good ol' boys.
If your house isn't structurally attached to the ground, you might be a redneck.
If proper ettiquette dictates that you spit your chewing tobacco into a cup rather than spitting onto the carpet and rubbing it in with your boot, you might be a redneck.
Posted by: Sherri at November 28, 2003 12:10 PMAnd again...you crack me the hell up. LMAO!
Posted by: Allison at November 28, 2003 05:56 PM
-d: How do you feel about being Governor of Indiana?
[Buzz it]
Global Warming, my ass!
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